good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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