So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
