plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
