like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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