I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
