overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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