I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
