Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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