so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
