If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
