Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
