Say something about gay babies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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