Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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