No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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