Barsexuality is the new black.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
