i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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