So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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