I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who died my cat blue again?
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