i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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