i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
