WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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