new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
