I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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