I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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