The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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