He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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