probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize