if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
