It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
