actually, I'm a sock model
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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