she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
