I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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