He uses pillows to masturbate.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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