we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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