You really coming over, don't trick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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