If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
