And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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