i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
false alarm, still single
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
