separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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