Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
