and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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