We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
