Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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