So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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