He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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