Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
