You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
