sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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