Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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