God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize