A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
