Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
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Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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