About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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