im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
