We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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