I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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