i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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