How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
