I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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