I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
