just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
