Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I see a marketing opportunity

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(703): I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off! (1-703): I see a marketing opportunity http://tfl.nu/gn9o

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(301): View more from Maryland

all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.

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(301): all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol. http://tfl.nu/ssjg

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

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(513): Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule. http://tfl.nu/z55h

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(647): View more from Ontario

So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.

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(647): So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me. http://tfl.nu/qz95

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

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(919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd. http://tfl.nu/5f3i

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"

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(603): i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword" http://tfl.nu/1vn8

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(626): View more from California

she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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(626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae

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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(646): Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout. http://tfl.nu/vj0i

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(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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(317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt

Replies (25) Good night (10952) Bad night (786)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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(865): I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only. http://tfl.nu/wjh3

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(732): View more from New Jersey

hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week

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(732): hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week http://tfl.nu/ig19

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(831): View more from California

I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.

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(831): I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET. http://tfl.nu/2kw0

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(425): View more from Washington

I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.

(1-425): View more from Washington

I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.

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(425): I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help. (1-425): I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity. http://tfl.nu/3ise

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(210): View more from Texas

It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.

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(210): It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger. http://tfl.nu/wgf0

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(989): View more from Michigan

I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.

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(989): I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story. http://tfl.nu/i8j1

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