He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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