It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
